God's Got the Coffee

A TASTER EXCERPT OF A FUTURE TITLE (not linked with above image)

It’s Monday again the in‑between day.

The day where nothing dramatic happens, but everything real does.

Yesterday was one of those Sundays that tests your patience and your faith at the same time.

The autistic four‑year‑old pacing in her loop.

The three‑year‑old climbing everything.

Zara narrating the chaos like a sports commentator.

My sister nowhere to be seen.

No call.

No check‑in.

Just silence.

And me?

Trying to hold the house together with MS tugging at my balance, my energy, my body.

I didn’t go out.

Didn’t rest properly.

Didn’t eat properly.

Just coffee and crisps and prayer.

And somewhere in the middle of all that noise, I caught myself thinking about a man who doesn’t know I exist like that.

A man I only noticed because his face was used by a scammer years ago.

A man who replied to two comments because they were relevant in the moment.

A man who is living his life somewhere in Europe right now, probably unaware that I even breathe.

And you know what?

That’s fine.

Because I’m not pinning anything on him.

I’m not building fantasies.

I’m not waiting for him to notice me.

I’m just acknowledging the truth:

I want love.

I want partnership.

I want a man who sees me.

I want a man who chooses me.

I want a man who builds a life with me.

And I’ve told God that.

Honestly.

Plainly.

Without shame.

But until then?

I’m still here.

Still writing.

Still posting.

Still creating.

Still raising children who aren’t mine.

Still managing MS.

Still drinking ridiculous amounts of water for Tuesday’s appointment.

Still living.

Still hoping.

Still becoming.

The man God has for me will never be bored.

He will never be without.

He will never meet a dull moment.

Because I am not a boring woman.

Not today.

Not tomorrow.

Not ever.

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